I love the Lord, I do believe that He has saved me. I wish to glorify him in everything I do (and of course He through me). I suffer and fall to lustful desires often. I wish I didn’t (obviously). I have always had difficultly controlling such urges when I have privacy. I have a girlfriend who I love very much, and it’s awful thing to do to her even if she isn’t privy to it. It’s disgusting, it’s wrong, and it’s shameful. I fear that my heart may harden, as I continue to fall to these desires as I feel like such desires hold me back from truly worshiping Christ as the pull to evil trumps my faith at times.
God bless you all.