Hello, this is my first time joining this community. I am coming to you asking for your prayer and support as I face the consequences of my DWI charge. On April 1st, I had a medication interaction with my new antidepressant, THC, and alcohol. I have no memory of calling my mom, nor texting my friend, informing both of them that I didn’t want to live anymore. I have struggled with passive ideations in the past, but never once have I made a plan or had plans to carry it out. Apparently, I crashed my car into a pole outside of my apartment and reported my ideation to EMS and the police. I was brought to the hospital, involuntarily committed, evaluated by a psychiatrist in the morning once I was sober, and discharged under my parent’s care and brought home with permission to finish my semester remotely. I have never been in trouble with the law before. I am a senior in undergrad on the premed track with two classes left to graduate, but now at risk of suspension until the end of the upcoming Fall semester in December 2025 (which I am very grateful that at least I am not facing expulsion). I feel horrible that my lack of faith has culminated to this tragic event. I have suffered various forms of abuse dating back to childhood, but I always carried my suffering in silence. Especially since my family remains in contact with the person who abused me as a child. My university’s counseling center helped me to begin to unpack my wounds, but I ultimately needed more intensive therapy and prayer, not just medication. I wish I had given myself that sooner. I have since joined a partial hospitalization program, and my pretrial court date is tomorrow afternoon. My attorney was a former ADA and he has submitted motions to suppress, and I just pray that my lowest moment doesn’t follow me for the rest of my life. I have dreams of continuing to work in healthcare, and I chose not to work while I was battling my lowest depression since I work in the pharmacy and as a caregiver. Now the Board of Pharmacy is asking for documents after they were notified of the charge, and it’s an eyeopener as to how much more complicated applications would be with an actual conviction.
I know God already performed the biggest miracle in keeping me alive and not allowing anyone to get hurt! I can’t stop thanking Him, and feel guilty when fleeting thoughts arrive wondering why I survived a life ruining event. But I am not expelled and there are doctors with DWIs so I have to shut down those thoughts.
I am eager to give my testimony publicly a year from now in the event that it can touch others. When I saw my car the day after the accident… you wouldn’t believe the damage - especially on the driver side. Cracked windshield and all. Ultimately deemed a total loss. I saw my angel that I keep hanging, and what slid to the very front of my windshield when it usually falls to ground with a sudden speed was my Jesus placard that I keep in the car at all times. It has never once slid to the windshield before, and I understood that God was reminding me that HE decides when it’s time for me to go and that He has already saved me. I had not one broken bone, not one scratch. This has been an eye-opening, life-altering event, and now I ask for another miracle. That I don’t receive a conviction. I am doing everything in my power to make sure that this was a one time event. I am not allowing for medications without psychotherapy or potentially at all for right now. My PHP is family oriented so my family can learn about how trauma affects me as well. I don’t smoke, and I still don’t know who gave me THC gummies - I tried looking through my bank statements and saw nothing. My last memory was outside with 2 students outside of my apartment. I was sober from binge drinking some months before April 1st and have continued that sobriety since then.
I was so depressed I stopped going to Church. Only sometimes watching mass online and always submitting my offerings online. Staying in my apartment isolated and driving home less frequently. I am leaving that behind me, and I pray the legal system gives me that chance as well.
Thank you to anyone who took the time to read all of this and God bless.