My husband (37M) and I (36F) have been married for 5 years this week. We got married because we were pregnant and lost our son 2 months later at 21 weeks. He was married previously
(4 years), and she divorced him after cheating on him. He has delt with addiction of one kind or another our entire marriage. He has been clean from video game addiction since we got married, a year from alcohol the end of this month. We have had a pair of mentors in our life for over a year, sent to us from our pastor, who have been working with us on our relationship with Jesus, and each other. However, there has been no fruit from my husband. For those who know my husband from his previous marriage, this has been an issue for many years.
After much prayer and guidance from my mentor and that pastor from our church (who has known my husband a very long time; my husband has been going to this church for 11+ years), I told him a few weeks ago that I wanted a separation because of the abuse (manipulation, deflection, gaslighting, lying, narcissist traits, etc.). My intent is for reconciliation, not divorce. We were to spend 30 days not speaking, and then we would reestablish communication and gradually move forward. However, his new mentor is struggling to get him to make any changes in the last almost month, and has had to bring in the previously mentioned pastor to help him hopefully get through to my husband. We have now extended the no communication by 2 weeks, while they try to get through to him.
Boundaries are new to me, growing up in a very abusive home. God has been taking me through a crash course, and has shown me in many ways that this was the way to go. I am working with my mentor to heal and find out who I am in Jesus. I worry, though, that my husband will continue the patterns he has up till now, and burn bridges with those who are trying to guide him. I worry that he will not change, and that this will end up in divorce.
I would appreciate prayer for myself, that I will truly come to realize my worth in my Father, and find all I need in Him. I would also appreciate help in praying for my husband, that the enemies grip on him would be broken (pride, defensiveness, resistance to authority), that he would submit to the leadership in his life, and ultimately to God’s authority in his life, and that reconciliation would occur.